NEW PLAN. (:

So,

Dr's got postponed to next week. And after thinking, I have come to decide that.... 

FUCK the Drs, FUCK the hospital, FUCK everyone who tries to stop me, 

I am not going to continue stuffing myself with food like a glutton. 

I will go back to my diet, I will shed all the weight I gained for the stupid doctors, I will be beautifully thin, I will go back to Ana. She's been waiting long enough. I'm sorry I betrayed you for so long.

SO the plan is. 

I shed weight and go back on my diet, and then , two days before my appointment, I take a bunch of vitamin pills and chug Ensure. This stuff I bought that apparently makes you gain weight like crazy. If it works, then great. If it doesn't , well, that would suck, but what else can I do ?

All I know is I'm happy to be back, girls.

I should've fasted today, but had an exam and needed to be able to focus. So I restricted today to 500 cals.

Tomorrow liquid fast, and if I really can't control it, I'll have max 200 cals.

Saturday I'm getting pierced, I think. 

I haven't decided where yet. I've already gotten 13 piercings. ( 4 in my right ear & 4 in my left (including stretched earlobes) , my smiley piercing, my tongue web, my septum (which i usually keep hidden), my belly button, and a skin diver near my hip.) 

So, girls, where do you think I should pierce next? :] (Preferably somewhere hidden, I don't like too many visible piercings, I'd look like a walking pin cushion. )

--Much love, Rezzie

thinspo for the day:

FUCKFUCKFUCKFUCKFUCKFUCKFUCK.

My latent hysterical depression has now exploded and risen to the surface.
My BMI , last week, was 15.7 . Which I found disgustingly fat, although it is classified as "underweight"
My current BMI, after eating all week preparing for my appointment on Monday, is 17.5 . 
FUCKING 17.5
Which means , if I gain a few more pounds, it will turn into 18. Which is classified as "Normal".


No. I refuse to be "normal" I refuse to be disgustingly fat. But I must keep calm, I must. I decided I'm not weighing myself until after my doctor's appointment, when I am back on track on my diet.
It's just so goddamn difficult, eating and eating and eating. I feel so weighed down and ugly all the time now. 
oh well... just a few more days, just a few more days. Hopefully I won't gain much more. I'd rather not turn into Shrek.


Anyways, all I can do now is wait, painfully and impatiently . But I hope I am helping/supporting all you other girls out there, by showing you how disgusting and horrible it feels to gain weight and to eat.


I know that food might be something tempting at the moment. But once you shed a few pounds and feel oh so amazingly featherweight, you will realize how disgusting food can be . Food is just made for survival. You should eat to live, not live to eat. Food used to be something tempting to me, but once I shed some nasty pounds, and was down to 94 lbs,  I actually felt happier and lighter than ever, and of course, I felt so so strong and powerful. I actually came to hate eating , (other than having just a few light things, enough not to pass out, but that aren't filled with a bunch of nasty calories). So stay strong girls, no matter how hungry you are, because it IS worth it in the end, trust me. Hang in there. The hunger will fade away, along with all the nasty fat . To make place for your beautiful bones . 


-much love, Rezzie xx

"Am i still your charm, or am I just bad luck ?"

Sitting at my bed, staring out the window at the heartbreakingly beautiful blue night sky, I write this post & I feel discustingly full, bloated, fat, heavy, gargantuan, gruesome, and horrible, very very horrible.

You see, it all started around last week. Some of my friends/family notice my eating patterns not being too "normal". ( i put normal in quotation marks, because really, I think : Fuck Normal. If normal means stuffing your face with food like an animal , then I'd gladly pick being abnormal.)

Anyways, one thing led to another,I have to go see a doctor and get weighed/measured/tested/diagnosed etc. So , I have been eating like crazy. I gained about 4 lbs, and I feel discusting. But it is just so the doctors think I am 'normal' and let me go. After that, I am going back down to 94 lbs, and resuming my journey to being beautifully thin.

But I must say, i absolutely fucking hate eating so much. But I must persevere . Because if I don't gain weight , the doctors will hospitalize me, instead of letting me go, which would mean they would make SURE i gain weight and KEEP it, for good. Oh well, if temporarily gaining weight means they will let me go, then I comply.

It's a shame I must go through all of this unnecessary & childish procedure , but I suppose that's just how life is sometimes. But once I am done with the doctors, (which hopefully will be next week) I am going on a full-on fast , and then a liquid fast, and once i am back down to my original weight ( 94lbs) , I'll setup my plan , to get down to 90, and once i get there, new plan to get down to 85. It won't be easy, but no pain no gain, eh girls?

On a lighter note, I truly am starting to believe in shopping as a form of therapy. ♥ :)

It makes me happy. So does playing the guitar on a lonely night, or simply staring at the clouds pass by, or being on a swing, or a roller-coaster, I find happiness in the strangest things too sometimes.And one of the main things (if not the only one) that makes me happy is Ana. Gotta love Ana.

Anyways, I'm off to bed. It has been a long long day.

-Much love, Rezzie xx

Stay strong all you lovely, struggling, girls. No pain no gain.

The must-have cliche introduction paragraph.

With my eyes half closed due to sleepiness, here I am , writing my first post, first of many , many posts. I am way too tired to get into this, and do a proper introduction.

Basically, call me rezzie. email me at rez9094@hotmail.com

Im 16, im a skinny little girl, but not skinny enough i find.

Im a clumsy person in everything I do and say, but I honestly don't give a flying fuck.

I like well spoken people. I like people whose vocabulary surpasses 25 words. I like art. I like music. I like fashion. I like colours. But not always. I like a lot of things.

One thing I like alot is ana.

She's a good ol' mate.

Helping me on my little journey.

anyway, this is the beginning of the documentation of my journey. Followers and comments would be very much appreciated, we need to stick together girls, all us anas must stick together on our quests to be lovely, featherweight.

Current weight : 95 lbs.

Goal : I don't even fucking know. just less than what i am right now. I want my hipbones to be as sharp as my mind. & yes, that is me on my profile picture.

Good night girls, ill be posting daily.

Much love, xx Rezzie