Where is my mind? - The pixies

Whywhywhy is this happening?
Why is everybody trying to drag me away from Ana, and all the other little voices in my head?
Don't they understand? The voices are part of me, they are me.


I was so happy today. I fasted all day, resisted temptation. Read to make the hunger pain fade away. Even though as I was reading all I could think of was the pasta on the kitchen table, the desert baking in the oven, the marshmellows on the counter, the chips in the pantry above that counter, with the corn on the right , and the jell-o on the left.
But I resisted. Very well. I was so happy with myself. I went out, to try and distract myself, and shopped.
Yes I am a materialistic shallow bitch who shops to distract herself and feel better about herself.
Later on I went to my aunt's place, knowing that her house smells like babies instead of food, and that on the occasion that she does cook, it's some odd iraki dish I wouldn't like.
My cousins and I watched a hockey game. The team we were supporting lost. 


By the time I got home I was sleepy and tired and just wanted to go to bed , but I had to talk to my boyfriend.
Sigh.
He talks to me about this whole thing, which I'll explain further in my next post, since I am too sleepy at the moment. Anyways, I ended up bingeing.
Hard-fucking-core.
I probably had 1000 calories.
I had 7 marshmellows , a slice of toast with cheese, two cups of chocolate milk, two squares of dark chocolate, 2 bites of meat and 3 bites of pasta.


I am fat and ugly and stupid and worthless.


Kthx, good night girls. tomorrow I will restrict instead of fast, maybe it'll end up better than today, I hope so.
I'm aiming for no more than 200 cals all day. We'll see.